Are Friends Important in Recovery? | Kati Morton

Are Friends Important in Recovery? | Kati Morton



hey everybody happy Thursday if you're new to my channel welcome my name is Katie and I'm a licensed therapist and make sure you're subscribed to my channel because I put out videos twice a week so turn those notifications on so you don't miss them but let's jump into today's question hey Katie I was wondering if friends are important in recovery I've had an issue with making friends for years I feel like there's always something to do to end or disturb friendships I make friends and then something happens and we grow apart when I don't even know why it's like I've grown numb to being alone I'm used to it even when I did talk to them about my eating disorder they didn't know how to help and it was just really awkward I speak to counsellors but it only helps to have someone to talk to but my behaviors never change I just need motivation to want to recover is being alone a bad thing is it important for a healthy recovery I have heard from so many of you that making friends and keeping friends is really difficult and many of us get used to being alone or some of us even prefer it and I thought this was great because it's a really important topic to discuss first because support systems are everything when it comes to recovery the truth about it is as a therapist I'm not available 24/7 yes you can call or text or whatever in an emergency however it could take me up to 24 hours to get back to you I am not the same as a friend a friend is someone you can text with at 2:00 in the morning or vent to have a sleepover go over to their house go grab a glass of wine together Netflix binge whatever you like to do it's important that we have people around us to listen to us and support us and just help us feel better about ourselves and that's why when I'm working with clients who maybe don't have many close friends or any close friends that live near them that they can see all the time I will encourage them to join online support groups or to go to meetups to meet people that enjoy the same things they do and the cool thing about online because I don't want you to feel like you have to have friends that you see in person is we're learning more and more that if we go online and we talk to the same person over and over our brain doesn't think of it any differently than it does someone in person meaning if I'm always talking to Susie online and Susie and I get you know chatting for months and months Susie is a real friend of mine and why brain feels the same as it does if I saw Suzy for coffee every Wednesday so know that it doesn't have to be in person we can find online support groups I'll link some in the description because we just need to feel connected to other people it's something as humans that we desire and especially as part of recovery because when we're having a hard time we're in between sessions with our therapists we need to have other people we can call on people we can put on our safety plan if we're having suicidal thoughts people that can eat with us when we're having a really tough time with our eating disorder voice we need to have different people available to us at all times of day so that we can get the support when we need it most and yes we can recover on our own I've talked about this before but it's just much more difficult and as you know I'm always trying to give you different tips and tricks and advice that make it easier for you and so in order to expedite the recovery process and make you feel better during it it's important that we have a whole team of people helping us that can be all our professionals are psychiatrists dietician therapists whomever may be a teacher that we talk to but we also need to have friends and family that we can call on and yes I know family can be total garbage and not all of us are close to them but they can be friends friends that are like family animals even help having different people different beans around us can help us feel more supportive and that rolls into my final bit of advice and my thoughts about this is that having people in our life or online that are supportive and loving helps build our self-esteem and confidence and we're gonna need that when we're working on our recovery like I've talked about over and over therapy is such hard work it'd be so much easier for me just the hula pretend everything's fine and not talk about the hard things and not work on the things that are really difficult for me that's easier working on it talking about it going through that process and fighting the urges to have to use eating disorder behavior or self-injury behavior or whatever it is is really hard and having people around us to support us to make us feel good in those dark moments can give us that little glimmer of hope and let us fight that urge a little bit longer and so try to meet people and make friends in your life that are supportive and caring be cautious and careful with who you spend time with notice if someone is putting you down isn't supportive or doesn't understand and never reaches out for support and doesn't allow you to check in with them either make sure you're spending time with quality people because while I'm talking about how important friends and support groups are quality over quantity always so make sure you're putting energy into relationships that are healthy there's a give and take you can talk to them they can talk to you they may not know exactly what to say but they're there for you and that feels good because overall having a support system can make recovery just so much better and feel so much less alone because trust me there's hard times where you're gonna feel like it's just you against the world and to know that it's not you and you're not alone you have at least one more person in your little bubble can be so comforting when we need it this video has been brought to you by the Kenyans on patreon if you would like to support the creation of these mental health videos click the link the description and check it out we're friends and support systems super helpful for you and your recovery how did you grow those I know a lot of us struggle to make friends as we get older how'd you do that how do you meet those people and how did it work let everybody know because together we're working towards a healthy mind and a healthy body and I will see you next time bye okay am i my center [Laughter]

47 comments

  1. I don't want to be negative and all, but I feel much better now that I'm not in contact with my old friends. I found that losing friends and discovering that we weren't even friends in the first place because they don't really like me hurts much more than not having friends. I feel less alone now. I'll be more picky when I choose friends in the futur, and keep those friends who makes me feel relaxed.

  2. There is a twelve step group for people with emotional problems, called "emotions anonymous". It can be a good resource for the mentally ill. I've spent some time in Alcoholics Anonymous myself. One of the biggest hazards to sobriety is former drinking buddies, for a lot of reasons.

  3. Well if this message counts for any mental health problems; guess I can never have it the easy way. Man, I used to have friends online and they were just as toxic as any I had in real life. I can't have anyone around me. It does feel like it's me against the world.

  4. I feel so pathetic about my friend situation at university, basically I don't have any new uni friends I have made despite being there for 3 years. I will talk to someone once and then they won't want to talk to me again

  5. hi kati i dont know if you'll see this message as the video is months old but i have a question about anxiety and friends. i've always been an extremely positive and encouraging person and last year i started to be friends with 4 other girls in which 2 of them had anxiety. i had a pretty bad episode of emotional abuse from one of them but aside from that, is it possible that being in an anxious environment of self-deprecating jokes and panic attacks might have led me to also fall in those vicious and intrusive anxiety thoughts about myself even though i always tried to help them (and me)?

  6. I don't want to burden my friends or make a fuss. In rural areas in Australia it's difficult to find support.

  7. for me i decided not to message a youtuber who quit youtube so she could get her life together she will luckily be at vidcon so i can explain my extremely crazy life to her in person i just hope i get to see her and let her know i was out of it completely from feb 2017 (if not before then) until the end of august 2017 and i know that because in the beginning of september i was questioning if i was 100% even though i felt like i was 100% it was one very fucked up year for me

    i wouldnt give up sami for anything though and very happy that with my screwed up brain i could still do journalism

  8. if you are a loner go find other youtubers maybe some that had eating disorders like heykayli who got her life together and use that as motivation and become youtube friends with other youtubers that you feel like you can click with

    i know 100% that youtube has saved my life and because of youtube i am getting a job that never existed until recently and i am also up for evaluation to be CEO for this company (i dont know if i will except it but i like that it is an option for my future) i need to figure out more about my mental health what i can and cant do before i say yes or no

    thx for this ha bisky vid and i hope that peoples can find support someway even if its a facebook group called i have an eating disorder

  9. I feel better alone although sometimes I feel so lonely, it is all well and good to have friends but, in my experiences most of them tell me that I can get over my bipolar depression symptom's by going for a walk, meditating, or by just doing anything and that will get me out of my "mood". Some of them also compare clinical depression as" just having the blues".. I've also had relatives who are afraid to hear me when I try to explain how I am feeling and simply stop me from expressing my feelings by saying "I'll pray for you" So, now whenever I see any of these people and they ask me how I'm feeling? I find it easier to just say "I'm good" and smile rather than tell them how I'm really feeling. because I would rather do that than sit through a lecture about what I need to do so I can get over it..

  10. hi kati i hope you see my comment! i have a question.

    i struggle really badly with black and white thinking and it makes me confused about what i like and what i don’t like because i either 100% like/agree with something or don’t at all. do you have any tips on how to start working on this so it’s not so bad? i love watching your videos, they’re so helpful, thank you!

  11. What do I do with a depressed friend who tells me they prefer to be alone and deal with it alone then push me away, and when I give them space they come after a while saying why don't you fight for me? Like? I'm really confused…

  12. I love this video. I know you mentioned it, but a video on what to do about toxic/bad friends would be interesting! Some of my "friends" haven't been true friends lately, and they are not longer putting any effort into friendships. Anyway, your videos are awesome! 🙂

  13. I have a question.ever since I fell really sick with a mental disorder all my friends left me like all of them .i think it was because I never explained what was happening but they just all of a sudden started fighting with me.and obviously that made my recovery way worse.does anyone know what I can do to improve this situation with them?!

  14. Really liked this! I feel friends are vital for recovery. I feel that goes without saying, friends have a huge role to play in any form of recovery. Of course, I feel professional help it vital but friends have that role that can fill real support system needs. Thanks!

  15. I met my closest friend during a pretty bad downward spiral that led to a suicide attempt and a trip to the psych ward. She found me sleeping in my car, someone I had only met in passing, and she’s still along for the craziness today. The true friends stick with you when things suck the worst. They don’t say things or make you feel like you are being too dramatic or that you are too tiring to be friends with. People that tell you those things are not real friends.

  16. #KatiFAQ
    Hey Kati, I am current a international high school junior suffering from eating disorders for a long time, and I learned and reached help eventually by your videos. Since I am from China and I was very scared to explain this to my Asian parents. I realized the severe misunderstanding in Chinese society nowadays, and I aim to study clinical psychology in college to change this social convention. I want to ask that what you think would be a good way to promote psychological understanding in developing countries, or how to start spreading knowledge without professional training? I am sorry if this makes you feel confused or uncomfortable, but I really feel the passion to make a change, thank you very much!

  17. What can I do when my parents doesn't belive me I have dysthimya (a psichiatrist told me)? They just think its a phase, my mother thinks is because she is not at home, but i dont feel like that's the reason. I dont know what the real reason is, because there are so many things. And the worst is that I cant talk about it anymore.
    My family doesn't support me and my friends dont know how to deal with that ( they just feel sorry for me). I really want to be fine, but I feel alone.

  18. I’m glad that you said something about having friendships online. Thanks to my health, I can’t get out of my house , and I have become friends with people online . I have noticed that it’s not any different, than anyone else. My husband doesn’t really get it . Social Media is my social life .😊 I said that to my husband ,but he didn’t think that was very funny 😁

  19. #katifaqHi Kati,I've been struggling with self harm since I was 11, I'm 17 now and recently it's gotten worse. I've reached out to a few friends about it but I feel like a burden. Also, a friend offered to have me go to one of her therapy sessions with her to talk about me. Is that weird?? Has anyone done this with you? Thanks so much I love your videos❤️

  20. Hi Kati, I have a question.

    Is it normal to be genuinely terrified of eating in front of some people but not others? I’m in high school, and for some reason I’m so scared of my teachers and some other students seeing me eat, because I’m worried they’re thinking ‘she’s so fat, she doesn’t need to eat any more’. I know it’s stupid because everyone has to eat, but I just can’t stop myself from feeling this way. No one knows about my eating disorder, and yet I can eat in front of some people and it doesn’t bother me. It’s as if my mind decides which people are the most likely to judge me for eating.

    (By the way I’ve noticed in a lot of your answers you mention talking to your therapist about it. I don’t have one. No one close to my knows about my eating disorder)

  21. Hey Katie, I have genuine topic I’d love to hear your take on. I really dislike even speaking of it but I really feel called to have someone like yourself discuss this. Although I know we all don’t have exact answers but with the most recent school shooting my heart leaps to the kids who witnessed, experienced this and for the kids who attended any school at the moment. I really think parents could use a bit of encouragement to talk with their kids as they’ve been affected by this type of event once again. I know my daughter came home yesterday, who is 14, and said all her friends were so effective by this event. What would you say to families not even directly affected by the recent event, but are families who have school age children. These may call for more then one video response. I hope it inspires you to take a directional stand. Thanks Katie

  22. I don't have money for therapy and don't have friends, gessi just have to keep digging shit lol. until it would finaly come to an end.

  23. I prefer my own company. I don’t feel comfortable sharing the really tough stuff with anyone. I don’t want to cause any pain or worry. I want to cause less of this in the world. It’s really important to me.
    I have social anxiety and find friendships and family so exhausting and worsens how I feel overall

  24. I'm a really busy person who has a job, is a full-time student, plays violin and rock climbs. Friends are important in all of these areas for me. As a student, it makes me feel safer and less overwhelmed at school to have people I can sit with and talk to and go get lunch with. As a violinist, I have friends from orchestra who I've known for a decade who've grown up alongside me and some of my closest friends are from there and it's valuable because we share something that's been very important to all of us. They've seen me at my best and my worst so it makes a massive difference that they're still there. Rock climbing, my friend holds the rope when I'm climbing and vice versa. We rely on each other to be able to do the thing we love and it builds a huge amount of trust. My colleagues at work are like a family, and it just lifts my mood to see them every weekend when I'm on shift. Beyond that, I have many friends from outside of school, and as we get older and have to work harder to maintain our friendships I find they are becoming more valuable. I am incredibly lucky, but in my recovery a huge thing for me was learning not to be so dependant on my friends. To have them but not to need them for my own success, and to build my own identity irrespective of theirs was super important, and ultimately what enabled me to keep friendships in a healthy way.

  25. Friends are so important if I am feeling really depressed I find that my true friends are very supportive and many of my friends also struggle with depression and other mental health issues as stranger things says "Lets go crazy together."

  26. Hey Kati! Great topic!
    Question…
    Can you give your journal to your therapist to keep and read on their own? I've thought about doing that. Maybe it'll help her better understand me .. also I am diagnosed with DID.

  27. Hey Katie, your videos are amazing. I was wondering if you could talk about Health Anxiety in one of your future videos ?

  28. #katifaq Hello Kati, first of all the biggest thank you for what you do! Second, I would love to hear from you what should I do with my overprotective mother. I am 23 and she treats me like a child, telling me all the time to be careful, there's danger anywhere, I can't go downtown alone, she also tells me that "mothers know best", she is very negative and criticizes almost everything about me. I am fed up. I am looking for a job to be able to leave the house as soon as possible. (I've been in treatment for major depression for one year, and it is really hard for me to deal with negative people). Thank you again. I hope you talk about this.

  29. Hey Kati, can you make a video about dealing with the paranoia and anxiety that the next school shooting might be at your school? I'm a senior in high school and I'm scared after the Florida shooting.

  30. It’s so difficult to find friends who are understanding about mental health issues. They think you’re just being “dramatic,” but that’s certainly not true.

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