FOOD BATTLE 2011

FOOD BATTLE 2011


-Mmm, oh yeah, that’s a very good shard of glass. [groans] -Shut up! [birds chirping] [dramatic music plays] -[shrieks] -You may have killed me in Food Battle 2010, but my pink frosted sprinkled doughnut’s gonna kick your stupid ass this year. -Oh, yeah? Well, me and my new favorite food, the rainbow lollipop, can do way more everyday tasks than your pink sprinkly turd! -Bring it on, douche-pickle! [yells] -How ’bout this skateboard? All right, lollipop, let’s do this. -All right, doughnut, let’s shred some killer half-pipes. [groans] Let’s do… deodorant! -Your mom could’ve used some deodorant last night. [laughs] D’oh! -Is that… lollipop deodorant? -Yeah. -[giggling with pleasure] -All right! -[sniffs] Smells like victory. -Is that… [sniffs] Doughnut deodorant? -Sure is. -[vomits] -Let’s do… these s-cissors. -What? -These s-cissors. -Oh, you mean s-ciss-ors. Yeah, let’s do it! Come on, doughnut. Make me a sweet paper snowflake. [grunting] [yells] -All right, lollipop, let’s cut something pretty. [laughs, grunts] Yeah… oh, what the he– [shrieking] [grunts] Let’s do a GPS. -GPS? Oh, green pube socks? -No, you idiot. GPS. -Okay, then what the hell does GPS stand for? -I don’t know, it’s just a cool combination of letters that don’t mean anything, like USA. All right, lollipop, tell me how to get to my secret class that’s totally not ballet. Hey, hurry up. There’s a wall up ahead. Just tell me where to turn, god damn it! Aahhh! [crash!] -All right, doughnut. Take me to the Grand Canyon. -Did you say Gary Coleman? -Grand… Canyon! -Turn right now. -Okay. [screaming] [explosion] [groaning softly] It worked! How ’bout let’s do… Oh, a blow-up doll. Just… just kidding, you perv. Uhh… let’s do a time-travel device! I know you can do it, doughnut. [mouthful]: Now let’s go back in time! Yeah! Holy frijole, it worked! [dinosaur roars, Ian screams] -All right, let’s do this. Unicorn power! -I have something to tell you now. -Whoa, I’m in 2006. -I love you. -[gasps] -I’m ready. Are you? -Oh dude… no, don’t do it. No… oh, oh… [retches] -How ’bout a magic wand? -[screams] -All right, doughnut, correct my bad vision. Aaahh! My ovary! -All right, you long sugary stick of goodness, turn this stapler into a hot chick! [poof!] [audience awws] No, I said a HOT chick. [flames whoosh] That’s better. -Let’s do… a gun. -Fine, let’s have a duel. -[snickering]: Okay. [suspenseful music playing] You know only one of us is leaving here alive. -Let’s do this. [dramatic cantata playing] Draw! -[snickers] You’re such an idiot. It doesn’t matter who wins the most matches in Food Battle. It’s about who survives till the end, and it looks like you’re gonna die! [laughs evilly] You see, when you weren’t looking, I poured an extremely poisonous venom all over your stupid lollipop. [laughs evilly] Take that, Anthony, you son of a bitch! [laughs sinisterly] Sorry, Anthony, but only losers play by the rules! -[laughing diabolically] You think I haven’t learned anything from the past six years of Food Battle? I knew you were gonna sabotage my food, so I hid your doughnut underneath a fake lollipop. [laughs sinisterly] [both laugh sinisterly] Oh yeah, and I hid a bow-and-arrow inside my real lollipop. [grunts] [laughs diabolically] So not only are you gonna die from that poison, but I’m also gonna shoot you with this arrow! -But wait. -Die! -[groans in pain] How can you win Food Battle if no one can announce it? -[groaning]: What the hell, man? [both groan] -[gasps] Oh God, no. Just… just say I’ve won Food Battle. Just say it! -Anthony… you just w– -Just say it, god damn it! -Food Battle… [mutters]: Anthony… [mournful music plays] No. [gasps] No!!! -Ian, Ian. You’ve just been transported into some place like purgatory or a ripoff of that one scene in the last Harry Potter movie. What are you gonna do now? -I’m gonna go fly! Wanna come? -F–k yeah! -(both) Whee! -Hey there, kids! It’s Barney! To see bloopers from this video and a deleted battle, click the link in the description below! Don’t forget to check out the new sexy Food Battle shirt, so basically, if you don’t click the link below right now, I’ll just out of your closet and stab you in your d–k. Ah-ho-ho-ho! Thanks for subscribing! And Barney really is serious about stabbing people in the d–k. I can show you proof if you want. I’ll miss you, Sergeant Johnson. You used to stand so tall and proud. [Captioned by SpongeSebastian]

100 comments

  1. I remember when I was a little kid like 7-8 years old when this thing came out I watched it and I genuinely got freaked out at the end about barney to the point where I didn't want to open my closet. Those were the days

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