How to Overcome the Eating Disorder: Bulimia

How to Overcome the Eating Disorder: Bulimia


Eating disorders affect millions
of people world wide. They affect men, and
they affect women. It’s tempting to think that an
eating disorder is about food. But it really isn’t. It’s about establishing safety
through a sense of control. Food is just a tool with
which to do that. Bulimia is an eating disorder
that like most eating disorders, is less about food,
and is more about a way that we’re trying to
cope with emotional pain. For this reason, we can look at
bulimia as a behavioral addiction. Today I’m going to go
in depth into bulimia, what causes it and
how to resolve it. How To Overcome The
Eating Disorder Bulimia People with bulimia binge eat. What that means is, they eat
in a minimal amount of time, much more than a person
would normally eat in that same amount of time
and in that same quantity. And during that time, they feel
out of control over their eating. Such as what they’re eating
and how much of it. And therefore it is
experienced as an episode. Then a person copes,
or let’s say, compensates for that
episode of binging. And they do this in ways that are
extremely detrimental to themselves. Things like, vomiting for example, and that’s the most
common way people tend to compensate
with binging. That’s why you so often
hear people refer to the binging and then purging
cycle of bulimia. But compensatory behaviors
can also include the use of laxatives, diuretics,
other medications, excessive exercising or fasting. Like those who suffer from anorexia,
people who suffer from bulimia tend to obsessively
evaluate themselves based on their body
shape and body weight and tend to suffer from inaccurate
perception of their own weight. Which is otherwise known
as body dysmorphia. These compensating reactions
that people have to the binging cycle of bulimia, are really important to look at. Because they’re just that.
They’re a compensation. Each one is designed, to establish
something that the binging, didn’t do for them. Binging makes people
feel out of control. So all of these compensation behaviors
are designed for one reason, to get back into control. Forcing themselves to vomit is
a way to control themselves. So is developing food rituals. Such as eating only specific foods
or foods from a specific food group. Or excessive chewing. So is skipping meals.
So is hoarding food. So is specifically not eating
when other people are eating. When people experience an ailment, most people want a purely
physiological explanation. And if they don’t want that, most people want an
exoteric explanation, that takes past lives or
karma into consideration. But all of this is done to
avoid the actual culprit which is a mental and
emotional one. If you want to find the actual
root cause of your ailments, and it is especially
true with bulimia, you’ve gotta look at what you’re
not wanting to look at. That is the emotional
and mental conditions, set up for you by your childhood. That also means, looking at your
current relationships in life. For many people, the relationship
they have with their family of origin, is a relationship they
protect as if it is sacred. They will not entertain the idea that there was disfunction
in those relationships. In order to preserve
the relationships, the way they are,
and not rock the boat, it’s easier to just take responsability
for being messed up. But if they do this they will never have
awareness of what is actually going on. Eating disorders are
one of these conditions, where in order to gain full
awareness of what’s going on, you must be willing to revisit the
emotional conditions of your childhood, and confront the reality of
your current relationships. To understand the motive for
this particular behavioral addiction we have to look back
at the early experiences that people had, that have
now develepoed this disorder. If you look in the childhood of
people who have bulimia, without exception, what
you find is gaslighting. that is the core of their
emotional pain in life. So what is it to gaslight someone? It is to make them believe that
their reality doesn’t exist. What you see
you didn’t see. What you feel
you didn’t feel. What you hear
you didn’t hear. Your perception is
completely wrong. And this is the reason that most
people who suffer from bulimia, feel as if they are
losing their mind. Imagine that you walked
out of your bedroom, and while you were
gone for five minutes, I walked into that beedroom
and replaced your bedcover. And you walked back into the
bedroom and confronted me. “Why did you do that?” And I look at you and say: ” I don’t know what
you’re talking about.” ” This is the bedcover that
was there the whole time.” That emotional feeling that
you would have at that minute, is the emotional experience in childhod,
of a person who has manifested bulimia. Except here’s the thing; That feeling state,
occured so often, the only way to deal with it, was to suppress reject, deny
and disown that feeling. And all of the reality
that goes along with it. And to start to gaslight themselves. This means, they bought into whatever
the family story of reality was, and totally tried to burry the
part of them that screaming: “This isn’t right!” For example: the reason
that bulimia is comon in conjunction childhood sex abuse,
aside from the control aspect, which I’ll be going into later, is because of this type of
gaslight that’s so present in situations especially of incest. When a small child is being
abused by her father sexually, inside she knows it’s scary, she knows something isn’t right. But the story that
Daddy is telling her, for example, is: “you know me and you
we just have a very special relationship, and this is our very
special time together. These two realities do not
match up. It is a gaslight. But the little girl will tend to
surpress that core reality of hers, in alignment with her father’s
reality of the situation. In this way, by defending his
estimation of their relationship and saying: ” My Dad and I
have a special relationship.” ” And we have special
time together.” She begins to gaslight
herself from the inside. But as you can guess, a person cannot
do this to themselves and stay healthy. This is a form of supression so intense that it’s impossible for that not to
bubble up through the floorboards. And it bubbles up through all
kinds of behavioral issues. Any time you surpress
something, that intense, when you surpress that
much negative emotion, it acts like a poison inside, that begins to make you feel as if
you’re completely toxic internally. One of the very best examples
I’ve seen of this dynamic, and how it plays into bulimia,
that you can see for yourself, is a character named daisy, played
by the actress Brittany Murphy in the film, ‘Girl Interrupted’. There does not always have
to be sex abuse going on for there to be bulimia, But there ALWAYS has to
be gaslighting going on, to manifest bulimia. Now it’s important to understand
that most families don’t intentionally
gaslight their children. Most of the time this is done
in an unintentional way. Because we’re so good
at gaslighting ourselves. We’re great at gaslighting
other people. But here’s the thing you guys; It doesn’t really matter whether somebody does something
intentionally or unintentionally, it’s still happening. And therefore it’s
still doing damage. It’s not like if somebody runs
over your car with a truck and your leg breaks,
you can say: “Well, it’s not really broken because
they didn’t mean to do it.” No it’s still broken. For example: If a child has a dad that is
alcoholic and passed out, but mom says: “Dad is just tired.
He had a long day at work.” That is gaslighting. If the conflict in a household
happens behind closed doors, and the child is required to
join the rest of the family in giving the impression
to the outside world that the family is perfect, and that there is no
conflict going on at all, this is gaslighting. If the affection or love that
is being shown in a family is not sincere and
is done for show, that is a gaslight. If gifts or other form of love are
given as a form of leverage so the child will owe
the parents something or feel indebted to
them in some way, but the parent says
they do it out of love, and shames the child
for thinking otherwise, this is a gaslight. In this type of setting, love
feels disgusting and toxic. To make matters worse, you can only
really control things from inside reality. You have to be in the reality that
your boat is about to go over a cliff, in order to do anything
to alter that reality. But here you are in a setting where
you’re constantly being told that your reality doesn’t exist. So you can’t do anything
about it can you? You end up in a situation where the circumstances of your
life seem pretty crappy. But because that’s not reality,
you have nothing to do about it. You end up completely and
totally out of control. And this lack of control
goes even deeper. A boundary is a sense of
who we are as a person. People like to complicate boundaries, but really boundaries are
nothing more than definition. It’s what defines me uniquely
from the rest of the world. it’s what are my feelings,
my thoughts, my preferences, my likes, my dislikes, my desires,
my needs, my perception. What’s mine. That’s all a boundary is. So, a boundary really doesn’t have
anything to do with other people. Does it? Until the point at which
there is a conflict, between what uniquely defines me,
and what uniquely defines you. Such as my desire, conflicts
with your desire. Or my sense of reality, conflicts
with your sense of reality. Boundaries are always
important for us, but there are specific
times in our life where the development
of boundaries is critical. These are phases, while we’re
growing up, of individuation. And if we experience trauma around
boundaries at that point in time, we don’t develop
healthy boundaries. We don’t develop any personal
definition or a healthy sense of self. We feel totally out of
control of ourSELVES’. The people in our lives and the
circumstances in our lives, are instead the ones that
have control over us. Some parents, specially
those that are narssisistic, cannot differentiate, between
their children and themselves. They see their children as a
complete extention of them. So they’re not able to honor
their child’s reality. They’re not able to see that
their child has separate desires, separate thoughts, separate
feelings, separate perceptions. Therefore they’re gonna invalidate
their child’s reality 24 hours a day. As a result, the child experiences
relentless boundary invasion. This can take the form
of extreme situations, like being spanked
for saying no. Or more subtle situations,
like the child saying: ” I want the red one.” And the parent saying:
“No you want the purple one.” But the thing to understand is, with
people who suffer from bulimia, these kinds of interactions where their
sense of self is being disregarded, go on all the time. People with bulimia, who are in fact in
touch with their childhood memories, will report that they felt more
like dolls in childhood. They felt like, they were
completely at the mercy of whatever decision the adults
in their life had for them. And that was really
scary because when these adults didn’t
really have a way to acknowledge the
reality of their child, most of the time they
were making decisions that made absolutely
no sense for the child. Instead, like when we’re
interacting with a doll, I decided you’re gonna be hungry
so now I’m gonna feed you a bottle. Meaning that when the child is
actually hungry they’re not being fed. When they protest these
invasions however, they learn very quickly that
this leads to punishments, or withdrawal of love,
and worse, gaslighting. They can’t say enough is
enough to the parent. If they can’t express their
dissatisfaction, which is toxicity, the parent turns it
back on the child. Which is a bit like forcing
energetic vomit back into someone’s mouth. So they cannot acknowledge
the invasion or stop it. Imagine the despair
of that situation. They begin to feel totally out
of control of themselves. In the same way a doll would feel
out of control, if it was alive. Because someone else is treating it like
a belonging with no personal choice. The only way this child can
cope in this environment, is to abandon their
own boundaries, their estimation of
reality along with it. And begin to gaslight themselves,
and violate their own boundaries, for the sake of closeness
with the social group. Because of this, people who suffer
from bulimia, feel full of toxicity. Which they have to
get rid of somehow. These people also feel as if they’re
completely unable to get away from these people, places and things
that are causing them pain. Now this leads to a feeling internally
of I can’t take it anymore. As if that’s not bad enough, because of these early
child experiences, they don’t feel as if they
have people to turn to. People who are safe. People who are supportive. People who do make
space for their reality. And so, they feel completely
and totally alone. In other words, they have
to control this energy that’s happening inside
them somehow. But they have to
do it in secret. Here’s an important
thing to understand; For people with bulimia, their relationship to food is very much
a mirror of their relationship to love. It feels like something that
someone desperately needs in order to feel good and feel
comforted and soothed. And so one has no control
over doing that because there’s desperation for it. But that once you take it in,
there’s a consequence. Sort of like a poisoned apple
when someone is starving. This is how love was in their
early childhood home. And this is how food is now. Food seems like the only
safe and reliable thing, as well as the only
source of pleasure, it seems like the only
way to take in energy, and the safest way
to take in energy to solve the feeling of
being totally depleted. It seems to be the only way to sooth
the feelings of emotional starvation. Feelings which they have been
taught through gaslighting that they were not
allowed to have. So they can’t have any
tolerance for them. It soothes the pain they
can’t directly acknowledge, of not being seen, felt,
heard and understood. So that they can feel safe that someone is gonna consider their
best interest and capitalize on them. But they have learned that
they can’t trust that. So the minute they swallow the food
it is as if they’ve just been betrayed. They feel as if they are being
betrayed by the food, just like they were betrayed by
someone in the family home, from whom accepting
love is dangerous. And as if they had
betrayed themselves by being too dumb to
fall into that trap again. They feel disgusted
with themselves, and ashamed of
themselves as a result. All that being said; What needs to happen in
order to heal from bulimia? 1. The single most important
thing that you can do to overcome bulimia, is to
stop gaslighting yourself. And stop letting yourself
be gaslit by others. In fact, and this is gonna
be hard to swallow, there is no possible way,
to heal from bulimia, unless you are able to
stop gaslighting yourself. You have to see that in your
childhood you were gaslight. Over and over again. You were constantly lead to believe
that your reality didn’t exist. That you didn’t see what you saw.
That you didn’t hear what you heard. That what you felt
you shouldn’t feel. You are probably still
defending that reality that your family got
you to accept as real. The reason that bulimia is
so difficult to shift out of, is because you have to be willing
to go through a reality collapse, in order to restore yourself
to your actual core reality. The one you suppressed, rejected,
denied and disowned so long ago. You’ve gotta stop defending
the reality you were given. To use a previous example
that I gave as an analogy, you are the person
who’s daddy told you, that you are just having
a “special relationship”. And so now you keep
telling the story, we just had a “special relationship”. You need to see your feelings,
your thoughts, your perceptions, your reality as very
important to acknowledge. Because this is the thing, your
default mode, is to gaslight yourself. You’re doing this to
yourself all the time. And now is the time to
catch yourself in the act. You binge because you have very real
emotional needs that aren’t getting met. And as a result for those emotional
needs not being met, and you violating your
boundaries all the time, you’re constantly feeling
negative emotion. So here’s the thing, your need to be seen,
felt, heard, understood, what’s happening with those? Absolutely nothing. You’re hanging out with people
and giving them the impression, that you feel close to them,
when it’s not the truth. Is it? The truth is, in many moments
you don’t feel that way at all. But that’s a truth you
keep to yourself. You’re in fact gaslighting the
world and gaslighting yourself by creating this division
between the reality of what’s going on with
you and your loneliness, and what you’re portraying. You are starving emotionally. That’s the reality. Relationships were
not safe for you and so you’re living a separate
existance from people. And the aprooval that
you are starving for, that’s not something that you
can manipulate people to get. And this is what
you’re trying to do. If you’re gonna be
honest with yourself, the reason that you’re trying to
control your body shape and weight, and the way you look, is because you’re trying to manipulate
people to give you approval. But here’s the thing, they’re not
really giving you approval if you have to manipulate
people to get it. Step out of the space of separation,
shame and fear, into actual connection. You have to change your
relationship to love in order to change your
relationship to food. This is a process that is too long
to detail in a short video. To learn how to do this,
pick up a copy of my book, The Anatomy Of Loneliness
(How To Find Your Way Back To Connection) 3. You binge in response
to negative emotions. Like we’ve been talking about, the core of bulimia, is
perpetual gaslighting. Think about what happened when
you had a negative emotion as a child. Done yet? Was it validated? Was it treated as
if it was real? Hell no! What you learned is that negative
emotions, won’t be tolerated. What’s worse than that,
you may have learned, negative emotion doesn’t exist. This means that every time
you feel a negative emotion, you’re going to
respond to it the way you have been
conditioned to respond to it. You’re going to deny,
reject and disown it. You’re gonna try to deny it away,
and shut it up with food. Because remember, you
believe it shouldn’t exist. In order to reverse this, you’ve
gotta do the exact opposite of what you’ve been
conditioned to do. When you feel an emotion,
you have to go towards it, instead of away from it. Now here’s the thing, if we try
to go away from an emotion, we’re not understanding
how emotions work. If we try to run away from
or avoid something, this is actually a
form of resistance. You live in a universe where
everything you resist persists. That means, you’re gonna be
turning a flame into a forest fire. Every emotion is valid. Sit with every one of them. Every emotion is like a
cover for a personal truth that is trying to bubble up
to your conscious mind. If you try to “eat away”
that emotion, you will never receive
that personal truth. And that personal truth, is the
very thing trying to help you to make the right decisions
for you in your life. For more information
about all of this, watch my video titled: The Emotional Wake Up Call You need to learn to acknowledge
and learn to express the truth underneath
these emotions. Or else you will
continue to feel toxic. The pattern of binging and
compensating for it in controlling ways, is set in place because you do not listen
to these emotions when they are small. And so you ignore your body’s cues
and don’t make small adjustments like getting enough sleep
or saying no to things. Or eating little snacks
throughout the day. So you end up in a situation
where you need to cope, and cope once a small
flame, is a forest fire. 4. Develop healthy boundaries. whether you like it or not, because you are in an individual
perspective in this time space reality, you have your own feelings. You have your own thoughts. You have your own desires,
preferences, perception. It’s OK to have those. Now, you’re hearing this
from a spiritual teacher. So really hear this; It’s as important to develop
a strong sense of self, as it is to transcend selfhood. It is important that you know
that you have the ability to choose what and
how much to take in. And when to say enough. But in order to make the
right decisions for yourself instead of to feel powerless about
making those decisions, for fear of consequences, you need to develop
this sense of self. For information about
how to do this, watch my video called: Personal Boundaries vc. Oneness
(How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) 5. Dive deep into these
painful emotions that you’ve been trying to avoid through
this cycle of behavioral addiction. Emotions such like,
loss of control, emotions like, I’m feeling disgusting,
internally feeling toxic, feelings of being completely
crazy and not fitting in, and dive into these emotions
with the completion process. I’ve developed a process which
is specifically designed to resolve these
unresolved issues that are creating that emotional
component within you that’s fueling the addiction
in the first place. I’ve written a book about
the process that’s titled: The Completion Process I’ve also trained people
to facilitate the process. You can find them on
www.thecompletionprocess.com You can also watch
my video titled: How To Heal The Emotional Body To learn an abridged
version of this process. This can also be a
powerful tool to use in order to restore yourself
to your actual reality and ungaslight yourself relative
to the home you grew up in. 6. Because so much of you is denied
and so much of you is suppressed, you created fragments
in your consciousness. You’re split like hell. Now here’s the thing, This is the primary way that a
physical human being copes. You just had to cope with
this in excessive ways, and this is why you feel this
constant internal turmoil. In order to resolve these splits
and get back in touch with the feelings, thoughts, perceptions,
desires and reality you suppressed, watch my video titled: Fragmentation
( The World Wide Disease) And start to acknowledge
and work directly with your polarized
internal fragments. I detail how to do
this in the video. Doing this will restore your
capacity to relate to yourself in a way where you will have
both empathy and understanding. And it is this empathy and understanding
for these parts of yourself that will make it so you
are no longer guessing at what you need, in order
to get to a better place. Instead, you will know. 7. Take in energy from
all the senses. When we have bulimia,
most often we feel like, the only way to take in energy
is through our mouth. But that’s not the only
way to take in energy. And it’s a very limiting one. And it’s a way of
taking in energy that you already have associated
with a lot of negativity. I’ll give you some examples; When I look at something beautiful,
that beauty that I’m looking at is energy. I can imagine sucking that
in through my eyes and allowing it to permeate
my whole being. Breath is something that is very
easily used to take in energy. I can simply imagine that
every time I’m breathing, I’m breathing in energy, and
it’s filling in every tiny cell, every bone, every organ. Almost like, a balloon
being filled with air. Another example, I can
imagine that all of my pores are like tiny little mouths, that are sucking in energy
from the outside all the time. When I hear a sound that I enjoy,
I can allow that sound to permeate and fill up my body. All of these are ways of
nourishing ourselves. The good news is, this will
make you feel less starved, less depleted and you don’t have to
stress out about the calories doing it. 8. Make how you feel the most
important part of your life. If you suffer from bulimia, you have a very difficult time
with pleasure in general. It’s not something which you
have a lot of access to. To the degree that most
of you tend to think that pleasure can only
be found through food. And if there isn’t that
element in your life there will be nothing left for
you in terms of pleasure. Now, it’s very common
for people with bulimia to come up with all
kinds of justifications for why it’s impossible, to
dedicate yourself to pleasure. Or why pleasure is something
that just can’t happen for you. But look at those justifications. You’ve gotta take this risk to
just prioritize doing things only because they bring
you pleasure to do. Not to live your life and make decisions
according to what you have to do. This makes your life a
choar, not a choice. And it dipleats you on top
of maintaining the reality that food will be
your only pleasure. Albeit, a poisoned
apple pleasure. 9. And this will be
difficult for you because people who
struggle with bulimia tend to also struggle from
a perfectionistic complex, you can’t approach the
resolution of bulimia the same way that you
approach most things, which is: “I’m gonna do
all of it at once.” This isn’t gonna work. Healing doesn’t work this way, life doesn’t work this way. Every time you finish
an episode of binging you tell yourself:
” Never again.” Look at the pressure
that this puts on you. You’ve already learned that it is
these painful or negative emotions that really fuel your
binging behavior. And here you are adding that
pressure to that emotional state. Making you more likely to binge,
instead of less likely. Here’s what you
normally tell yourself. You tell yourself you’re
gonna lose all the weight, overcome your shame, start making
the right decisions for yourself and have healthy boundaries
from now on. You’ve just taken several
healing processes, one of which, may
take years to do, and you have said:
“I’m gonna do it all, in fact, it would all
be done by now.” As if everything that is
standing in your way is just your personal
resolution to do it. That’s not the case at all. That’s like saying:
” I’m done with this laziness and tomorrow I’m gonna carry the
empire state building to france.” You are setting
yourself up to fail. Because everyone on
earth would fail at that. I know how desperate you
are to stop this cycle. I know that when
you are desperate the last thing on the face of the
earth that you wanna hear is that something is
gonna take a long time. But it’s the reality. The reality is, healing from bulimia,
is not gonna be an overnight process. And it’s not something that can be
done just because you decide it’s done. As if it not getting done
is some personal failure. You’re gonna have to start
with one thing at a time and become a master at it before
moving on to the next thing. And you can expect relapses. And none of this means you’re
failing in any way, shape or form. The standards you are keeping
for yourself are impossible. And you need to stop
gaslighting yourself by telling yourself
that someone can. And so you must be a failure or
less in some way because you can’t. What happens when
you try to stop all the things you have
labeled as bad at once, is that all of them
happen again, at once. This only makes you feel
more out of control. But it isn’t because
you’re out of control, it’s because you
set yourself up. 10. Assuming that you are
actually facing and healing the emotional component
that is going into bulimia, you can start to eat
for what feels good. If you want to understand
what healing is exactly, because sometimes when I say: “As long as you’re healing emotionally” that makes no sense. Watch my video titled,
What is Healing? Eating to feel good is totally
different than dieting, obsessing over calories,
and even emotional eating. It’s none of those things. If you start to eat
food with the idea that you’re specifically eating
so that you feel good, not emotional eating, then what happens is, you
naturally and intuitively start to make the right
choices for yourself, and your food eating personally. Here’s an example: I’m not gonna
eat a big piece of chocolate cake because I know that I’ll
start to get a headache and feel sluggish if I do it. I know that if I eat soup I will feel
warm and like I have more energy. Eating this way not only puts you back
in touch with your own personal truth, it also makes you much less
likely that you’ll get that feeling of having made a mistake
in taking in foods. That leads to your
purging behavior. For more information
about how to do this, watch my video titled: How to Improve Your Relationship with Food As with most things,
I could do one book, if not several books, on how
to heal from bulimia. But in this video I’ve put forth
the most important points I can promise you, if you
go through these points, if you start to actually
apply these changes you will experience healing
relative to bulimia. With that being said, It is quite
common, and definitely possible, for people to have bulimia in
conjunction with anorexia. For that reason, if you notice some of these symptoms
of anorexia within yourself, as well, in conjunction with your bulimia, I suggest that you
watch my video: How to Overcome the
Eating Disorder: Anorexia as well. It will give you a full picture of the
awareness you need for your healing. The time has come to reestablish
your sense of self. The time has come to realize
that you have very valid reasons, for feeling the way you feel. That your perceptions are important. That you have needs
that must be met. And it’s important that
you express that reality to other people. It’s time to restore your
sense of reality. And to stop gaslighting yourself. And to stop allowing yourself
to be gaslit by other people. I can promise that by doing
this you will not only end this conflict that is constantly
going on inside you, you will also be making choices
that are right for you personally. Choices that will lead you straight
into a life that is actually fulfilling. A life, where I promise,
you will experience pleasure. Have a good week. Transcribed by: Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 comments

  1. This time of year binging is acceptable and forgiven. I'm taking a break from my diet for the "holidays" for the sake of reflection and it doesn't make me happy at all.

  2. I totally had the "doll syndrome" in my childhood. Also being spanked for saying no. It didnʻt manifest in bulimia though, luckily. Thanks for your videos!

  3. Finally!! I've been waiting for this video for so long. Huge bunches of thanks to you, Teal ❤️with love and gratitude from Russia to you and to the awesome work you do 🧡💛💚💙💜

  4. It’s two days until Christmas and I’m sitting here wondering if I should leave my house and be homeless and go to a shelter to get away from my family; that’s sad. I need to take my power back. I do not want to be a victim anymore.

  5. I love that I attend to Her videos… Im glad that My boundaries are MINE. I simply Cant get enough of following Her; I love it! I wanted to manifest truly stable and consistant value into My life. I was in a homeless shelter thinking it was money… Im glad I never labled the value specifically… Cuz Teal was known to Me almost immediately. That was 2 yrs. Ago. Stable and consistent She most certainly IS to Me. Id say value is too bound… I manifested true priceless beauty that from me is literally great importance. Just a spec of nearly nothing I AM here for. She fuels My Living Faith that doesnt end… With hope that My one little spec indeed will be expirienced only once.

  6. I’m crying because now have health health issues because bulimia and gas lighting, like there’s just always something wrong with me. I live with my mom an she’s very emotional abusive and I basically have know one too turn too, and when I try to talk to people about know one understands. I just for once in my liked feel like I’m able. How can I work through while living with someone who is very abusive please help!

  7. I don't have anorexia of bulimia, but in this times of celebration and being perceptive in receiving the joy for Xmas is very strong as its to give the nourishment of this joy, you open so much thank you Teal, you are a marvellous genius.

  8. I suffer from bulimia for about 7 years but still have a hope to heal my body and mind every single day, even though, I know that my bulimia controls me so much that I surrender sometimes without a fight… I hope one day I will get better and tell my story of healing to help others just like me, because I feel like some ppl who did not have that experience (friends, family) don't know what you are going through…

  9. Please you are stronger than you think. Please never take your own life. You are a good person I know you are still good inside. Give up all religions and be truley Free human.

  10. Please write a book on eating disorders. It is an epidemi' in society today. 💕 It is so common it is considered normal!😲

  11. #7 is perhaps the most effective exercise you can do. That's a nice sigil you have there in the background. We can also make sigils that will instruct our subconscious mind to break unhealthy habits.

  12. Sometimes I have trouble gaining weight and eating regularly.. perhaps some of these issues are the reason. Thanks Teal!

  13. I watched this while running on the treadmill to try to mitigate some of the cookies I binged on. I got off of it within two minutes of the video.Thanks teal ❤️

  14. I’m so thankful for this advice, gaslighting is a huge issue in my life…I have to watch the rest of the videos to even better understand, boundaries, healing and feeling whole again! I always felt that I had a void in me that i just couldn’t fill, but this gives me hope that I’ll find the peace I desperately want, I really want be better, baby steps

  15. Teal swan you are so freaking gorgeous it's incredibly insane how beautiful you are to me in my eyes….and the knowledge you you spit on spirituality, and about life and everything in it….I love your meditation information and the information about connecting with one's higher self. Which I am definitely on my personal mission in life…thank you so much for being such a awesome and knowledgeable and beautiful and sexy woman/teacher…much love and respect…

  16. 14:15 – here starts the to-do list 🙂
    Thank you so much for this video. I cried most of the time, listened to it twice and now re-playing the "to-do list" to take notes.
    I didn't realize any of this. I just saw your video when it came out and saved it to "Watch later". Today I looked at it and just had a random thought because of a conversation I had yesterday – "huh, maybe I do have something similar to bulimia".
    I didn't even realize the amount of gaslight I have been fed throughtout my childhood. This is insane. And now many of my current problems make sense.
    I even had a drugs problem that I am getting rid of now. It was the same as food as I started to feel phisically ill everytime I ate, I started to shame myself for spending money on things that gave me comfort and supported my "laziness" – ordering taxi and food especially. And with drugs – I usually ATE my drug of choice. So I kind of shifted my binging to drug addiction. This is so messed up, I can't even start to explain…
    Thank you so much for this video. I am definitely going to watch all of the other ones you mentioned during it.

  17. And I finished my notes, so here they are:
    1. Stop gaslighting myself, stop letting others gaslight me
    2. Change your relationship with love. Learn to really connect with people
    3. Don't run away from negative emotions. Every emotion is valid.
    4. Develop personal boundaries
    5. Explore those emotions I've been running away from
    6. Get back in touch. Reverse defragmentation.
    7. Take in energy from all the senses
    8. Make how you feel the most important part of your life.
    9. Heal. Take baby steps.
    10. Start to eat for what feels good.

    This is obviously incomplete and abbreviated, but hopefully it will help to better keep track on what is said in the video, especially for non-native English speakers like me 😉

    Thank you again for everything, Teal.

  18. So much resistance to this video even though I'm well on my way in this healing journey.
    Banged up my knee pretty well when you spoke of gaslighting ourselves in my automated hurry to move away from the desk 😛
    Thank you thank you thank you Teal.
    Next level, insightful & practical as always xo

  19. I recovered from bulimia 5 years ago, felt I was doing well in life, and then went through a complete mental breakdown all the way through 2018. I have described this many times as being like "having an eating disorder again, but without the disordered eating". While I overcame bulimia back then and have since built a very good relationship in food, a recent life event triggered a really critical state of negative self-image in me that is very similar to that of an eating disorder. I think 5 years ago, I must have managed my relationships to such a point where they weren't triggering me quite as much, in order to overcome the eating disorder. But there is clearly still work to be done. So much of what you talk about here still resonates with me even though I no longer have the eating disorder, which is a strange feeling to process. Just like when I experienced bulimia, I can barely see a way of ever getting out of the self-hate, regret-filled cycle I am currently in. But I know it is possible and this video helps to shed light on the possibility of recovery. Thank you.

  20. Since I’ve seen this I have watched it at least twice a day. I cannot thank you enough Teal! You have expressed everything perfectly. If you can do more videos on this and write books about this we would be so grateful. Sending good energy your way 🙏🏻💕

  21. Can anyone relate to chewing and spitting eating disorder? This is something I have been struggling with for almost a year now and do it daily. I have had bing eating disorder and body dysmorphia since I was 14 and I am now 24. After I “chew and spit” I feel so much shame and guilt. I feel absolutely disgusting. My childhood involved an alcoholic mother and an abusive father so I definitely have experienced my share of gaslighting. I just need someone who can relate. I feel so alone.

  22. As per my intelligent design for the universe, people are created into 10 attraction groups, and this can best be thought of as 10 piles of m&m's spaced out on a desk top, like a landscaping supply yeard. Everyone is in an attraction grouping. This way no one is cursed eternally ugly, and our bodies get to be seen as a perfect 10 by perfect 10's (age not withstanding, salvation (forever young)). So when a 10 is eyeing me in the produce section of the grocery store, and the cashier is a 3 and seems unimpressed by my looks, what's going on? Does the cashier know "I am out of her league"? No, the cashier, she sees me as a 4, just as I see her as a 4. It's RIGHT BACK ATCHA, EVEN NUMBERS. People falsely assume a linear beauty scale that we would all agree on, however not the case, 10 different attraction groups is how it works. 1 in 10 women think I am a 10, 1 in 10 think I am a 9, 1 in 10 think I am an 8, and all the way to 1 in 10 thinking I am a 1. It just so happens Teal and I are in the same group out of 10 groups, so we would see each other as 10's in looks. I don't even need to ask her, because I know what she thinks, because that's the intelligent design of attraction. People with eating issues, are being influenced by those around them that have not been created to be attracted to the body types big girl, or big man. There are also a lot of elongated girls trying to eat more.They falsely assume that the person they are listening to knows what good looking is, and they become concerned they have a low dating value. The person they are listening to knows what their group is, and does not know what it's like to see through the eyes of someone created into a different of the 10 attraction groups. How would that person know any different than to state what they have been assigned to beeelieve is beauty? Beauty isn't subjective, it's whatever my father the 8'0'' white frosting looking gingerbread GHOST decides yer gonna like. That way everyone gets their dates, so long as they are not observed to have a creeper vibe or a witches cackle. good girls belly laugh, evil ones cackle. What's their belly to cackle ratio? Cackles on women and creeper vibes on men are just a little witch and scorcerer expose yourselves system I invented.

  23. I'm curious to know what your level of formal education is; and if post secondary, what if any disciplines? Thank you for your attention and efforts.

  24. I've had Bulimia for 3 years now and I didn't even know it was happening, after watching this and even now when I'm writing this I'm crying ,to be understood so well … Thank you so much for making this video and explaining ,I had no idea how much I was damaged and why I felt so empty all the time like I couldn't feel emotions anymore.I always felt like healing anything would take up too much time and gave up without starting, I really needed someone to tell me I'm doing good job and that everything is alright

  25. Superb video recording! Hereabouts at Y&S FOOD! we adore to notice such a contents. We produce Travel & Food films too, world-wide, and therefore we are often searching for inspirations as well as good ideas. Thank You.

  26. Can you please make a video on obesity and how we can handle the inner aspects of us so the weight will not just pile back on.
    I read somewhere that up to 85 to 90% of people who where severely obese will gain their weight back and then some if they try to loose it.
    Can you please help.

  27. Dear Teal, I have one question for you, I would be happy if you saw it and answered it. What are the effects of purging to the energy body of a person? Does it damage the solar plexus? Does it create an inbalance? Is it possible that through purging we also purge stuck energy in the etheric and astral body? And if so, is this negative? I know you mostly talk about the psychological side and patterns of the subjects but it could be useful to address this energetic aspect aswel since many of your viewers are sensitive, I think! Thank you!

  28. Yet, you r using picture perfect models for a bulimia/eating disorder video. Aren't we bombarded with them enough already. We need "real" looking women not barbies! But thank you for the info, it is great when you just listen to it. When you watch it, the whole thing is gaslighting!

  29. I was 7 years bulimia…. I've been 3 years clean almost 4….. it was exactly as teal explained. I was physically abused and seperated from my birth parents. I healed on my own by listening to self help videos…one particular night after crying hrs in my depression I had a dream. An indian man came to me and said to meditate OM. I looked it up and was hooked on meditation. OM will help reprogram the pattern of GASLIGHTING. Every day I was committed to meditation and eventually bulimia lost its power. I struggle with my relationships now…. I'm a single mom of 4. Self employed and finances are just like my relationships today.

  30. What is the symbol in the background? I’ve seen it many times in my mind’s eye in meditations.
    Thanks for this bold & honest post

  31. First off, I didn’t classify myself as a bulimic until I watched this video. I’m a ex Registered Dietitian and was educated about this in my school…and I didn’t see this in myself because I didn’t purge or exercise etc after a binge.
    But now…it’s so obvious, gaslighting was a constant in my childhood…very subtlety…so I missed it.
    I want to add to the list of the coping mechanisms because I became aware of it today. I just had a huge binge session. And then I realized that I begin to feel a compulsion to “purge” my environment. I start making a donation pile to make things feel better in my home. Also, I’m so uncomfortable physically that I can’t be touched by my husband or little kids.
    So, this is what I’ll be working with now. Love to Teal.

  32. Seriously?! HOW DID YOU FIGURE THIS OUT?! I’ve been struggling for years!!! You hit the nail on the head. Also with FOMO video are my dark sides!! I could watch these two videos over and over. THANK YOU!!!

  33. I don't think my bulimia has anything to do with my childhood, I did have an odd childhood as my mother died and so it was different but I do honestly think it's just because I want to be skinny like everyone else that the media portrays as beautiful, that's literally it, I'm just terrified of being fat and so food is a huge enemy for me hence why I binge, we all want something that's bad for us and afterwards I have to throw up otherwise I will gain weight. It's simply because I compare myself to other girls.

  34. Thank you, again, Teal. The wealth of information in this one video and referenced videos has changed the landscape of my life entirely. I continue to learn from you and continue to grow. Life is now much more of an experience instead of only surviving. Thank you, universe, for sending me personally Teal's insights.

  35. i am 26 years old and I have suffered bulimia for 12 years. I am in panic everyday because i cannot cope with food, I dont know how to eat i dont know what my body is supposed to be like, I haven't eaten normal in this whole period and my body and mind are still striving to be thin like I was when i was anorexic at 14.

  36. Cried 5 minutes in because of all its accuracy. Was in therapy for years because of bulimia and never did i hear so much senseful, useful and eyeopening content in those years as i did in this video.
    Thankyou!

  37. 16:23 "You're hanging out with people and giving them the impression you feel close to them, but that's not the truth, is it? The truth is many moments you don't feel that way at all."

  38. thank you! I've been searching for an explanation for years (like…tens of years), never ever somebody explained it so clearly….there are things I've done intuitively in order to get better, but I've never had such a clear perspective on this illness as I have now after watching this video…discovered you recently…and can't believe you exist….my heart is so felt with gratitude right now, thank you, thank you so much for being!

  39. This is making me hate my mom… She has gas lighted me my entire life and to this day even. It makes my bulimia even worse and it makes me resent my mom.

  40. This is the first time that I get the feeling “she gets me” . No one ever understood what I’m going through. I’m grateful I found this video

  41. I broke down crying while watching this video , I still have tears in my eyes rn but I must say , I really had a breakthrough and realize the exact moment of my childhood when the gaslighting happened , I was eating when I was a kid and told my family that I was full and couldn't eat anymore , they said nah eat a few more bites , I took 1 more bite and started projectile vomiting …. My grandpa grabbed me and ran me to the bathroom with his hand over my mouth … I swear I couldn't breathe , ever since then throwing up has felt like such a release 😔 break downs lead to break throughs. Thank u teal 🤞❤️ my inner child needs some consoling

  42. The joy of binge eating especially at late night feels like you get orgasm by having sex with someone has STD 🌚 AKA satisfied but sick as hell.

  43. I've never considered myself having bulimia, but I could relate to EVERYTHING in the video. Even the symptoms. Now at this point I see how I was complaining about stuff and everytime I got the same answer "no you don't" or "you don't have depression, stop making things up" as I was constantly talking about suicide. And as I see even from my therapist, anytime I tell her something serious and she says things like "no you don't you just.." at this point I get super frustrated, am I making things up, am I crazy, how can I trust myself the hell is going on. Now I guess my whole reality is made up to match the gaslight thing..lol

  44. “That is the core of their emotional pain in life [Gaslighting]”

    😮 you put my whole life in one sentence. Thank you so much you have no idea how much you’ve been a blessing in my healing journey and I’ve literally just started binge watching your videos a few days ago.
    I can’t thank you enough for your wisdom and free content. You deserve nothing but respect, joy and love in your life. 🙏🏼🤗👁🙌🏼

  45. How is it even possible to know what your reality was when you were gaslighted so much? There are no clear answers and I feel like ever understanding my reality is impossible. I literally went insane as a teen trying to figure out the reality of my life and was hospitalised for months. Im really scared to try to figure it out again. It was torture trying to figure it out then and will be torture trying to figure it out now… Im getting a head ache just remembering how confusing it was. I want to heal but Im pretty sure doing this will only lead me to total insanity. If Teal could please do a video on how to figure out your reality / the reality of your childhood that would be super helpful.

  46. Crying while seeing this video. Crying from the bottom of my heart. I'm really sad about the reality I lived and always gaslighted it, didn't even imagined I was never accepting it. I still was gaslighting it, I'm really sad but at least I know where I can begin my path to final recovery. I would like to meet Teal Swan just to say her thank you. I would never be able to see anything without her. I really feel her words, she really is the one that told me that my reality exists. I'm really sad and happy at the same time. i'm still crying as fuck. real teardrops of consciousness

  47. As soon as you started giving the examples of gaslighting, I cried the entire duration of the video. It hit me so hard. This explains everything SO perfectly and I know I came across your channel from one of your other videos for a reason. Thank you❤️

  48. I am on a different plane. I just figured out.

    I had made myself throw up when I was younger for about 2 weeks. I tried it, I started to throw up all my food after lunches in the library of my high school and library -I mentally thought it would just keep me skinny, to maintain weight.

    One day, I stopped all on my own waking up to the logic, it doesn’t do anything for my body that I want and in the end-it destroys throat and stomach tissues. I was uneducated about the body till then.

    I just woke up using logic. Nothing more to it. It was vanity relapse in a moment of forgetting logic of how the body works.

    I wish the ability to wake up and heal for everyone dealing with it today. Not sure if my technique will work for everyone, because it’s about truly being honest with myself.

    I have this ability to “snap out” of things easily, if I can find a way to teach it I would for those who want instant healing separate from family issues-and more just fear of gaining weight in an unhealthy way.

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