so I think that I am more nervous to film this video than I have been about any video ever filmed and let me know why I think it's because something it's something I'm really passionate about and something that I know is a really just full-on thing to discuss so yeah let's get into it so I am a little bit ill so if I sound a bit off or if I cough or sniffle I am recovering from a little bit of a cold so please excuse that but I wanted to do a disclaimer before I start the video number one to say that if you're going through an eating disorder or anything I will be talking about my previous experience with an eating disorder so if that's going to be triggering to you then don't watch this video and also the second thing will be that I'm not making this video to call anybody out or to say anybody is person or anyone's I don't know I'm not doing this to create drama basically I'm just sharing my experience and if you had a different experience and you have a different opinion that's fine I'm sharing my experience because that is what I do on this channel and that is how I've connected with people online and I know that my experience isn't the only I'm not the only person who's gone through this I know there'll be so many other women who've gone through the same thing and then and that's why I want to talk about it so yeah so I want to talk about dieting and why have stopped dieting completely and a lot of you might be thinking but you haven't dyed it in a long time and I've talked about intuitive eating and healthy eating etc and not calorie counting for a long time on this channel but there is a new tier of getting away from a certain element of dieting that I've only recently come to the realization of that I want to talk about but before we get into it all I think it's important for me to go back and explain my history with dieting and where it all began so I definitely had a very healthy relationship with food when I was growing up my mom always cooked really delicious meals at home and there was no restriction their surrounding types of food or anything and I was always very very skinny as a child I've definitely teased for being very skinny and very tool and when I was a teenager I definitely was the envy of my friends because I was very skinny and tall and that was became a part of my identity and I think that's really contributed in the future as I became a woman it contributed a lot to the problem so I ended up having with eating and it all started University when I first experienced gaining weight I was 18 years old I started to binge drink and binge eat and I definitely think I was going through a bit of a hard time uni finding myself and making friends and it was it was just a lot at that time of my life so I definitely was going through it and I ended up gaining a really significant amount of weight and instead of maybe trying to figure things out and talk to someone about it I decided to just go on a really restrictive diet like a lot of girls do and I tried everything that the media told me to do so everything that magazines and social media and I'd heard about to lose weight I tried it and I calorie counted counted macros ran every single day to try and lose weight I you know skipped meals all of it everything I tried and I tried lots of different random weird diets and I always failed I found it impossible I found it very very hard to restrict my calories and very very hard to do that I was someone who enjoyed food so much and I find myself getting very faint and just not functioning properly if I didn't eat so I ended up developing an eating disorder and ended up developing bulimia and I kept it a secret I have a whole video on my eating disorder story and yeah it was hell on earth and it definitely was probably the worst time of my life I was completely lost I was going back and forth between restricting and binging and having absolutely no idea how to get out and what to do because I had this eternal desire to be skinny so what started my recovery was finding veganism this was a saving grace for me I found a whole online community of people who were raving all about this healthy lifestyle and who were shown me how I could eat food and to be healthy and lose weight that was the huge appeal to me to begin with and that was what drew me and the fact that I could eat all this food and lose weight and it was wonderful in so many ways because it really taught me to learn about listening to my hunger signals learn about nutrition and health and also to understand that starving yourself is not going to be good for you but on the flip side it taught me a new set of restrictions and a new set of rules and definitely limited me in other ways but the one thing that I got out of veganism from the very beginning from the day I found it was the annamund animal agriculture industry learning about that and learning about the environment and that's why I am vegan now to this day and I will always be vegan for ethical reasons and that gave me something outside of myself at the time to be passionate about I was only looking and focusing on my looks and my outward appearance and veganism gave me something outside of that to be passionate and careful and gave me a purpose at that point in my life so I was watching these people online and wanting to be as happy and healthy as they were they had given me permission to eat food again and I was just so thankful to them and this started my recovery from my eating disorder I recovered in the years to come I stopped binging I stopped purging and I definitely had ups and downs there was times when I was vegan when I definitely had periods where I was suffering from bulimia but then I would come back out again and it was normally to do with other things that were going on my going on going on in my life so down times and hard times but the only thing is that I did end up developing a new set of disordered eating that I think was coming out of my eating disorder in another way it wasn't as harmful but it definitely is something that I am leaving behind now because it it was a whole new set of rules essentially and it was controlling how I was eating so I wasn't eating oil I was focusing on eating a lot of fruit eating a lot of starches keeping it extremely low-fat really really avoiding processed foods and feeling bad when I did eat out and when I did eat oily processed vegan foods which never should have been my focus when I was recovering from a eating disorder so I was teaching myself language of this food is healthy food this food is junk food this food should be limited and this shoot food should be in abundance I should never cook with oil I shouldn't eat out more than once a week low fat is the best food to eat you know avoid avocado and tofu and don't eat too many processed foods and these thoughts were going around in my head constantly and sadly I have realized now in the last year that this still comes under the umbrella of diet culture if there are any rules and any regulations to a healthy lifestyle or a diet it's still diet culture because it's still telling you to do something and it's not giving you the option or the choice to think for yourself and do what makes you feel good so I'm learning how to neutralize food now and learning how to speak about it in a neutral manner because I have platform and I don't want to be giving any girls any or any boys anyone who is going through an eating disorder recovering from one or learning about veganism I don't want to give them any disordered eating habits that I have adopted myself I don't want to pass that on to them so I'm no longer gonna be the food police and I'm no longer going to be listening to the food police so I know that I'm vegan and some people might say but you're restricting there because you're vegan I am doing I'm vegan for ethical reasons and that's my choice but within veganism you can eat any food that you could not if you weren't a vegan so you can eat cheese meat hot dogs whatever pizza is the same thing so I really I don't see those smooth as off off-limits to me because it's an ethical choice if it was different and if I was seeing in a different way and if you are then I would you know rethink veganism for you at this point in your life because it's which is something I never thought I would say because I definitely used to be a lot more harsh when it comes to veganism but if you're going through disordered eating and you're using veganism as another way to control your food then you need to rethink rethink doing that because it's only gonna end in you know it's only gonna end in disaster and it's not the route to take if you want to go vegan for ethical reasons for the environment or because it makes you feel really good and really healthy then do that for those positive reasons not to restrict further and that is seriously important the reason that I quit dieting is because I don't want any foods to be off-limits to me and don't want to tell anyone else foods off limit to them it's really scary because most of us and women especially have been targeted to to be told that you have to eat a certain way and you have to limit certain things and it's really scary to let go that to kill let go of that idea a huge thing that I have learnt in the last few years thankfully since going vegan is about hunger and satiation and this is a really hard one if you diet or you restrict your calories because you're basically unlearning a natural instinct and that is when you're hungry and when you're full so if you've suffered from just solid eating or an eating disorder you're going through it right now this is probably one of the biggest hurdles when when you eat intuitively or when you let go of limits when it comes to foods you're not restricting in your head you're not restricting physically with the food that you're consuming and therefore no food is off-limits and there's no panic surrounding food there's no I've got to eat this meal now because it's my cheat meal for the day and this is my last opportunity because tomorrow I'm on a diet there's none of that mentality anymore you can eat any food at any point in any day that you want but you just choose to eat what you want to what makes you feel good and what makes you feel happy in that moment another huge thing to let go of dieting and quitting diet culture is to learn to love your body as it is this is something that I still struggle with and I think that it's gonna be a struggle for a long time because there is just such a suck there's just a certain image that is portrayed in the media and that is that is all that we see and we're basically brainwashed to hate our bodies and hate ourselves so this is something that you're gonna have ups and downs with and I have ups and downs with but you really need to learn to love and respect your body as it is now is an amazing thing to have a body that can take you through this life and give you so much experience and wonderful thing is like I I wouldn't be here without my body and I should value that and be appreciative of it and the way it looks and the little roles that it has or the hair or the you know the discoloration it really should be something I should be focusing on I should be focusing on how strong it is and how powerful it is and how healthy it is and how incredible is that I have a body to take me through this life and a huge realization is that you won't be happier when you've lost weight you won't be more successful when you're skinny you won't be more loveable when you do have any love handles which is ironic because love handles should be a good thing that called love handles I've been very very skinny and I have been overweight and I have been in between and my mental health and my happiness has had absolutely no correlation to those things it has been to do with my mental health and my mental state and how I'm seeing food and I'm seeing myself not to do with my actual physical representation on the outside now having said all this about diet culture and why I'm quitting dieting this doesn't mean that I'm not interested and not passionate about health and nutrition I am I have learned so much about food and I've learned so much about nutrition that I will still carry on the difference is I'm no longer viewing it as a restriction or something that I should be limiting myself with I've learned foods I enjoy what foods make me feel good what foods make me feel a bit sloppy and that is really important I have let go of the hierarchy of foods in my head and this is the biggest thing is that I know I've been rambling for a long time but the biggest thing here is that I am no longer going to have a hierarchy of foods in my head this food is good this food is bad this food is junk this meat is healthy I am literally letting go of all of that because it's utter nonsense it doesn't matter where the food is good or bad or whatever you shouldn't use that language around food vocally or in your brain because all it does is create negative emotion and restriction I think one of the biggest things that actually got me to this place was going travelling and going away and experiencing new things I think that going away from my own little bubble taught me that there are more important things in this world there are people who are suffering there are there is you know I had to eat out every single night when I was traveling and eat loads of oil and fat and who cared because it didn't make me gain weight and it didn't make me unhappy it didn't make me break out this miraculous crazy thing didn't happen to me I was eating these so-called bad foods if you're in a dark culture right then all I can say to you is try and get out there get out in the world and just experience life experience travel experience people experience your passion pursue your dreams and just try your hardest to let go of this idea that food and what you'll eat it's gonna control your life and I'm not saying that obviously if you're going for an eating disorder you are able to do this because I understand that it's a lot more complicated but than that I've been there but diet culture and dieting there's so much more to life than that and if this video is just a little so realized makes makes you realize something and then I've done my job and if it's just the what that's a little first step towards making changes then yeah this video is worth it I know that it's a long journey and it's going to take a long time because basically we've been brainwashed and indoctrinated with this idea our entire lives so it's not something that you can just say goodbye to in an instance because even when I was calling on Instagram and when I'm walking down the street and I'm in the shops I'm seeing diet messages come at me everywhere I look so it ain't easy but I want to be somewhere on the internet I want to be a person the internet you can come to and know that I'm never gonna be telling you what to eat I'm never going to be talking about food in that way I'm never going to be encouraging you to diet or restrict in any way and I think more of us need to do that more more influences need to do that more people who are watched online in on television we need to be more careful with what we're saying I've been there and I've made mistakes and I'm holding my hands up to say that I have said things and I've done things and I shouldn't have and I feel bad about it I've taken a lot of my videos down recently that I am ashamed of because I was preaching things that I was just I was in a bad mental space I wasn't aware of what I was I was saying and impact it was having I wasn't I wasn't aware of myself and hindsight is incredible but the good thing is I have come to where I am now and I hope moving forward I can teach you guys what I have learnt and share my experiences and share bloody delicious food without telling you that it's healthy or unhealthy or junk food or good food it can just be food that you can enjoy and if you're interested in eating vegan food I've got some recipes for you and that's all that is why I'm leaving diet culture behind that is why I'm not dieting anymore and I really think that I am embarking into a much happier place when it comes to food and my weight and my body and my life and I'm excited for it so I have a few people that have really inspired me on this whole journey and I'll leave them linked below there's one girl in particular called Laura Thomas on Instagram she shares all the crap surrounding diet culture and calls it out and she's been a huge inspiration for me very recently and kind of solidified all the thoughts I was having in my head over the last year but yeah I really want you to unfollow any people online who make you feel crap about yourself even if they're not intending to some people just lead a healthy lifestyle and that's what they're sharing but if it makes you feel like crap even if they're happy and they have no problems with eating or disordered eating and they're living their best life if they make you feel rubbish about yourself unfollow them and don't follow any diets and try and follow some people who make you feel good about yourself people who share positive you know happy thoughts and make you feel good and don't make you feel crap about your body and your life and the way you look etc we need to stand together as men and women and say to the media we offered up we're not doing this anymore we're not replacing our meals with shakes anymore we're not using contraptions to make our waist slimmer we're not skipping meals and we're not punishing our bodies with exercise that we hate men and women of any size suffer from disordered eating and eating disorders because of this fat phobic skinny centric world that we live in and I've had enough I don't know about you but I've had enough so I'm gonna enjoy and embrace my body I'm going to eat all the food that I want and I'm gonna live my life nobody is gonna tell me what I can or can't eat I'm not gonna tell you what you can and can't eat and nobody's gonna tell me what I should or shouldn't look like and you shouldn't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't look like we are all beautiful in our own right and I'm not hearing it from anyone else that that isn't true because it is yeah that's all I have to say on this topic I really hope that they spoke to you and this helped you in some way and let's make the comments down below kind and helpful and supportive because that is the community that I want to be on this channel I don't want any you know negativity or arguing or anything like that or people being mean so be supportive and kind to each other and yeah I'll see you in my next video


  1. From the description above in case you didn't see it:

    I am learning and realising a lot of things recently and wanted to start this conversation on my channel. I want to apologise to anybody who I have made feel pressured to eat a certain way or insecure about their own bodies through things I have promoted in the past. This is a turning point for me in my personal life, and for my channel. I am still learning so please share with me what YOU have learnt in your own journey to overcome dieting. It is so important that we call this kind of stuff out and try to work together as a community to change things. If you're as fed up as I am then make it heard! We all make mistakes, we've all been sucked in and brainwashed by diet culture. But if you are beginning to see the bullsh*t then please please speak up about it, unfollow certain people, realise your worth and your beauty and let's try and change how we speak about ourselves and food. If this has touched just one person today, to seek help, to look at themselves and say they're beautiful, to quit their restrictive diet or to push them forward in their eating disorder recovery, I've done my job. Let's support and help each other in the comments below 🙂

  2. Vegan is not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change. Says she who hasn’t seen the full video or read the comments.

  3. Having tried every diet out there to try and be “thin”, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that some people’s bodies just aren’t meant to be thin. I have a wide rib cage and pelvic bone, am only 5’4”, and have an enormous bust that basically needs a stronger torso to support – and trying to fit into this “perfect” skinny model body was never going to happen. It’s taken me 40 years to realise I should choose my diet SOLELY based on ethical and health reasons, and not restrict anything for any reason other than those. I hate that the media makes it so hard to do this. 😔

  4. Hi Madeleine. Thank you so much for this video and for reminding me that the body is precious not for his look but for the hundreds and thousands of beautiful things we can do with it.

  5. You are the loveliest girl, so down to earth. Thank you for this video, the message really touched me. I have a son yr age … Sadly at 56 i still struggle with a health obsession type of eating disorder which steals my joy. I need to work on this because life is too short. I go on fruit only diets 😠 then end up falling off and eating loads of junk food with dairy! 😯😈. Here in South Africa we dont get the lovely vegan stuff that you do over there 😢, but still no excuse. I love yr channel! Have a friend in the uk which i'v convinced to go vegan & i'v introduced her to yr channel. Keep up the great work sweetpea 😙

  6. I'm vegan for (1) health (2) animals (3) environment. I have been over weight, and had acne, that's when I went vegan. Then I learned about the animals. I really appreciate this video, because I have a low self esteem at times. My esteem has gotten alot better, but occasionally I will see somthing I don't like. So thank you for this video. <3

  7. This video is so important, I wish everybody could see it. What makes recovery difficult for me is the constant food prescription given by others.

  8. TBH a lot of vegans who have recovered from an ED seem to be hiding their ED with veganism, but you have promoted actual recovery, this was beautiful, thank you

  9. I never thought a youtube video could help me with ED/disordered eating but thank you. thank you. thank you.
    You've helped me get that little push to start the journey towards help and recovery.

  10. Hi Maddie. I'm really sorry to hear what you went through. I definitely think that all those fad diets are dreadful and should be eradicated. However, I feel that by discrediting all weight loss efforts as caused by societal pressures there's a danger of down grading the very real need for many to cut weight for genuine health reasons. Far more people die annually of weight related disease due to obesity than due to anorexia or bulimia. I don't say that out of 'concern trolling'. I say it out of basic human empathy. In the same way I don't want anyone to experience anorexia or bulimia. I might not know you personally but it doesn't stop me caring about you or anyone else.

    I don't know what the answer is or where the balance should lie. I'm genuinely interested in your opinion as someone who's been through an ED as I haven't. How do we, can we, encourage a healthy regard for food to everyone so that we avoid either extreme?

  11. YES! I'm so proud of you for making this video! It's time for all of us to take our lives and our happiness back. Intuitive Eating for the win!

  12. Currently, I am struggling with this. It's hard to come to this realization on how I perceive myself as not good enough, not healthy enough, not beautiful all of this to the point it's tearing me apart. All of this has not happen because of people or having a boyfr

    iend etc. It has because of previous PTSD and other life factors. I was, still kind of, emotionally hurting myself because of this. It torments me. I went vegan about a year ago and am feeling well but the problem was not the food but myself. I fell hard again anf getting back up is hard quite painful and very slow process. I have come to realize this in the last couple of weeks. I know I will overcome this. Thank you for sharing this because some of us are going through this and trying to get out of it.

  13. Thank you so much Madeline for this amazing video! You have said some really awesome things I appreciate so much!

  14. YES! Screw diets but most importantly screw the diet industry that uses a horrible cycle to hurt people & keep them coming back to buy their products. If you're interested in this, I made a video explaining the terrible cycle + what we can do about it. Ty!! Much love 💞

  15. I've been doing another binge of your videos and just came across this one. Thank you so much for posting this. I have followed almost the exact same path as you and didn't even realise I was still thinking in a restrictive way about food. I couldn't have seen this at a better time ( right before going home for Christmas from uni ) , you've really helped open my eyes and I'm so thankful

  16. Hello! I know this is an old video (i watched it a while ago) but I have a cousin why is going through an eating disorder and I was wondering if you new any other vegans on youtube that would be really good for her? Someone like you? 😊 ps I really love watching your videos!

  17. It’s a difficult one isn’t it. I used to be young, beautiful and slim for a number of years and could eat what I liked. I hit the menopause in my early forties and started to gain weight slowly and continually. I have tried so many different diets to try to regain a slim body. You’ve heard it all before, after a hard slog of food restraint and exercise I lost the weight only to regain it a year or so later and then on to trying another diet. It has messed my head up and I don’t know what to do any more. I am concerned for my health; I have had (& probably still have) an unbalanced thyroid issue and I am afraid of becoming diabetic. So I do have to really think about what I eat and I still have weight to lose in order to come out of the health risk zone. I hate carrying this surplus fat that I carry and that I can’t wear the sort of clothes I would really like to wear, rather than the baggy ones I feel comfortable in. My friends are all slim (so no sympathy there): feel embarrassed in my yoga class and find that my spare tyres (I am apple shaped) gets in the way of some of the yoga positions. So it is literally a pain. I do think that the advice you have given has been good advice: processed food does contain all sorts of unhealthy additives, alcohol messes with your brain, insulin and makes you gain weight, and eating whole foods are definitely the healthy, logical way to go. So, yes we should love ourselves as we are and be grateful but we should also take care of our bodies and avoid putting junk into it. Love your videos, they are inspirational & don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise. Act with your heart and you can’t go wrong. You are doing a great job! Love and blessings

  18. Thank you for this video. I'm recently relapse, with anorexia. I realized that I was in quasi-recovery the whole time I thought I was recovered but avoiding oil and added fats in general. Restriction is restriction. I didn't restrict the amount I ate but I restricted the things I allowed myself to eat. Despite being vegan for 11 years now, I never actually tasted vagan cheese, butter or yogurt, which is insane. I want to be able to eat pesto, pizza with vegan cheese, oil, vegan butter…. Thanks again

  19. Bless you for posting this. Cause i was skeptical about what you promoted in the past. Im glad you're now promoting a more intuitive eating and more sustainable lifestyle

  20. Such a great video Maddie 🙂
    In the last years i struggled with my weight. I lost 10 kg but I didn't feel good. I wanted to be skinny. I tried every diet, read many magazines about weight loss, and I also watched a lot of youtube videos about loosing weight, the best way you should eat etc.
    It was such a hard time. Everyone told me, try this and that, but nothing makes me feel good about my body and my way to eat.
    I have to work on my mindset. In the last years my mind is "spinning" around over healthy and unhealthy foods, "is this food healthy?", "should I eat this?"
    I don't have fun when I'm eating food. The whole time I think about, if it's good or bad for my body.

    Your video is such a "open minder" for me.
    My priority now is to eat what I want, not what the media says.

    Thank you for these great, inspirering video.
    Greetings from Germany

  21. You have some very interesting and honest experiences to relate but tone down the manic way you speak. It would give me a panic attack listening to you. Slow down your delivery and adopt a softer tone.Way too m uch energy in the way you deliver your message.

  22. My only big rule is to stop eating when I'm full. It's such a small thing, but sometimes very hard to do (especially around holidays).
    It's more important to stay healthy than to eat the last 3 fries on the plate. 👍🏼

  23. Loved this video. I come from a background of chronic illnesses and several food allergies. It causes alot of patterns of disordered eating, believe it or not. I'm mostly a vegan – sometimes the call of bacon is too tempting. 😉 Thank you for this video. I really needed this today. 😘

  24. I've recently found out about veganism and your channel, and it has been an enormous turning point for me. I have anorexia, and for the past months I've been trying to recover, but it's not easy. I labeled food as "good" or "bad", I skipped meals and over-exercised my body, and all because I was desperate to be skinny. I grew up in a place where being skinny is all teenage girls (and boys) care about. I was miserable, I felt physically and mentally awful, and I could only think about the amount of calories I was eating or how much weight I was gaining/losing.
    At first I used veganism as another way to restrict food, but your channel along with others have helped me realized that what I was doing was wrong. I'm so happy to see you spread so much positivity and awareness, it really makes me want to try harder to recover. Thank you for spreading such a positive message 💖 I and many other people appreciate what you're doing tremendously

  25. So glad I found your channel because even though I’m not vegan your recipes make cooking so simple for a newbie and I love that and since they contain no meat I don’t eat meat that often 😄

  26. god she is amazing. i only hope that people who need to see this, and people who don't realize that they need to see this, actually see this and watch it all the way through. her message is beautiful and i think that even not having been through an eating disorder, anyone can relate to this and challenge themselves to be better.. because really, what do we have to lose

  27. Loving ourselves is just so important but these days because of social media people are hating themselves. Such a great message! ❤️

  28. Hi, I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve never been a fan of diets and restrictions, but in the last few months I gained weight, which led to a mental fight of keeping to what I believe in about eating and giving in to dieting because of all those social “diet-massages” I have been confronted with.
    You helped me keep my focus on what’s important. Thanks again ❤️

  29. The situation that you in were in at university is currently me. I’m a first year student who eats pretty healthy but binge drinks. I’ve always been super skinny but have put on a fair amount of weight and I’ve been restricting and skipping meals to try and loose the weight.

    Like you said I love food and so restricting is really hard but I feel guilty every time I eat and calorie track all my foods. Im worried it’s going to develop into something more serious but I want to stop it before it does. I’ve been vegetarian for 3 1/2 years but I’m finally making the switch to vegan too!

  30. I wish I could give this video more then just one like! Thank you so much for making video I can share with every single person I know! 💚

  31. Hi Olivia! Thank you for being so real and honest and inspiring!! It's just a suggestion but could you maybe make a video series on how we can learn to reach where you are now in terms of dieting and intuitive eating? 🙂

  32. First time I respond. Love this video. This is so true and reflective of my journey with food and body. Thank you ❤

  33. I just found your channel and really enjoyed this video! Espescially from minute 16 on is worth to be heard over and over again! Greetings from Germany! You are beautiful and smart!

  34. Thank you for sharing…we all have our journey, and we’re all learning. And really happy you now see life that way.

  35. I got sucked into the diet culture as a very young age my mom would put me on diets starting back when I was 10 and now I’m 18 and I’ve struggled for a long time with my weight. I lost 36 lbs and I thought I was going to be so happy in the end but now I’m miserable b/c all I ever think about is calorie counting and if my food is healthy or not. I’m sick of it, I want to be happy, and with this video it really opened my eyes ❤️

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